It’s human nature to want a fulfilling romantic relationship. Though it’s universally recommended that we don’t begin any new relationships during the first year of our recovery, many of us may already be in a committed relationship when we enter treatment. Even a great relationship takes a lot of work to maintain, but a bad relationship can drain your soul. This is especially true if both you and your partner have addiction issues. It’s absolutely vital that you maintain your sobriety and continue to work on your own recovery. Following are five signs you’re in a toxic relationship.
Your partner tries to undermine your recovery
They encourage you to drink or use drugs again. They say things like, “Just one won’t hurt,” or, “Haven’t you learned how to handle it yet?” They may even say, “You would if you loved me.” A partner who supports you will want to help you, not try to goad you into relapsing.
Your partner refuses to forgive you
They hold your past over your head, and frequently remind you of your mistakes. They may constantly blame you, or tell you how much they’ve sacrificed and done for you, insinuating you’re ungrateful. They refuse to accept your attempts at making amends for your past behavior. Bottom line: If your partner can’t forgive you, your relationship can’t grow.
Your partner is unwilling to trust you again
They’re convinced you’re still in active addiction. They accuse you if you’re late coming home, and interrogate you about your whereabouts and whom you were with. Furthermore, they refuse to acknowledge the progress you’ve made in recovery. Without mutual trust, there can be no basis for a partnership.
Your partner refuses to get help for their own addiction
They may insist that you’re the one with the problem, not them. They may also compare their behavior to yours, pointing out ways in which you were “worse.” However, a partner who’s in denial about their own addiction is incapable of supporting your efforts to recover.
Your partner is abusive
If your partner is verbally, physically, or sexually controlling, threatening, or abusive toward you or your children, get out immediately. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Your recovery is not the only thing in danger: Your life depends on getting help.