Do You Suspect Your Spouse Has an Addiction?

December 17, 2019

Harmony Place Team

Are you married to an addict? Or Suspect your Spouse has a drug addiction? Our family and intimate relationships should be safe havens, and our homes, places that provide shelter from the troubles of the outside world. However, for many Americans a close relationship with an addicted partner can become a source of turmoil, emotional upheaval, and sometimes violence. Substance abuse can destroy a couple by undermining trust, destabilizing the bond between partners. If children are part of the relationship, conflicts over parental responsibilities, neglect, or abuse often occur as a result of abuse from one or both partners’ drinking and/or drug use.

Marriage does not mean that you are tied to a sinking ship, though. Also, it isn’t necessary to wait for your partner to hit rock bottom to get help. The healthiest thing you can do is to stop enabling them and allowing them to continue along the path they are on. Making excuses and denying that a problem exists merely serves to feed into and validate the addiction. family members should instead take a stand and refuse to allow self-destructive behaviors to harm them and their loved one.

Partners that suspect they are in a relationship with an addict should attempt to talk to their spouse about their drug use. It’s important to select a time when both people are calm and sober. If your partner is unwilling to have a discussion, continues to make excuses for their erratic behaviors, or refuses to admit to a drug problem, an intervention may be helpful. Interventions are an effective tool to talk openly with your spouse about their addiction. The end goal of an intervention is to help your partner see that their addiction is harming them, and others and they need help. The United States has 14,500 specialized drug addiction treatment facilities. There is likely a facility near you that is working toward giving people the help they need.

Ideally, your spouse will be responsive to the intervention and agree to enter treatment, but interventions are only one tool available to you as a spouse of an addicted person. There are many other things you can practice regardless of if your spouse is seeking recovery or not. Most importantly, you will need to decide whether or not your marriage can be salvaged. This is a uniquely personal decision and should be made very carefully. Your safety, the safety of your children should you have any, and the willingness of your spouse to commit to getting help, will all contribute to this decision. If you decide that the marriage will continue there are several things you can begin doing now in order to provide the best results for both you and your spouse.

Find a Support Group

With every struggle there is strength in numbers and addiction is no exception. Sometimes, you will feel completely alone and that no one could possibly understand the pain that you and your family are going through. It’s important to understand that there are many other spouses and partners who are experiencing the same problems. There are groups that offer guidance and support and the chance to connect with other people who understand what you’re going through. Groups like Alanon and Naranon or can help you to feel less isolated and like you have a team behind you. These groups, and others like them, will provide you with a community to share your struggle with and will provide resources to help you learn how to live with a person who struggles with addiction.

Avoid Denial

Addiction is painful for both the addict and their loved ones. Unfortunately, there is also a stigma surrounding it that negatively affects public opinion of other’s suffering. For these reasons and others, family members and friends often turn a blind eye to their loved one’s addiction to avoid tough conversation and difficult decisions. It’s always easier to pretend that there aren’t any problems and many people sacrifice their health, and the health of their spouse’s, to maintain a certain image. However, doing so is detrimental to both you and the recovery of your spouse. Facing the addiction head on will allow you to take control of your own health and wellbeing. It will give you a clear head in deciding your next step.

Research Addiction

The person you feel in love with is still there. That person still exists buried under the weight of addiction and it is important to remember that they didn’t choose addiction. They didn’t want to fall into the cycle of addiction or to hurt you or your family. Addiction is a disease. It is a family disease. Living that often causes a domino effect in the life of the person using, as well as their family. It is important to learn as much as you can about what your spouse is experiencing. This will better help you support them. There are thousands of resources available to you. The internet is a great place to start, but there are also many excellent books written by professionals. Talk to your neighbors and friends about their experiences with addiction. Also, consider talking to an experienced treatment specialist who helps families every day. Talking with a professional will help you gain a clearer picture of your own unique relationship and situation.

Research Codependent Relationships

Remember that addiction is a family disease. Your spouse’s drug or alcohol addiction doesn’t only affect them—it’s affects you, any children you may have, and anyone else in the home. Addiction and an addict’s behavior will shape anyone living with it. Spouses of many addicts report that they begin to experience a wide range of unhealthy emotions. Many become anxious thinking about their spouse’s sobriety. Anger as well as obsessive or controlling thoughts are also very common.

Unfortunately, when your life is focused on another person, it becomes increasingly difficult to focus on your own life. This can cause stress, depression, and feelings of disconnect. People who love and live with those in an active addiction often find themselves dealing with their own disorder: Codependency. By understanding this disorder, you can make gradual changes that will help you and also begin to help to your spouse.

At Harmony Place, we provide comprehensive care and support for our patients and their loved ones. We encourage families to participate in the treatment process and will offer you support every step of the way.

Are you Married to an Addict? At Harmony Place in Woodland Hills, California, we provide a relaxing, comfortable environment for addiction treatment and recovery with many addiction treatment program options, including our Medication Assisted Treatment program. Contact us today at (855) 652-9048 to learn more about our services and how you or your loved one can prepare for a successful rehabilitation from drug and alcohol addiction at our California treatment center.

Chris P

I've been to 12 rehabs over the last 20 years and NO other place has touch like Harmony Place! From the owner right down to the cleaning lady, everyone here is kinda and warm. God has blessed this place and I feel privileged to have come through here. I recommend anyone who is going through their struggle with mental health or substance abuse to pick up the phone and come! You won't regret it!

Joseph S

This place is incredible, kind, loving, patient, rigorous, educative, caring and the best place for recovery. Ill be part of the alumni crew

Monica G

I had very good experience at Harmony Place From first day I came, staff was very kind and make me feel welcome and safe. Everyone was friendly and always try to help me. The therapists are very good and caring. They listen to me and help me understand my problems better. I learn many things from them and feel stronger because of their support. The nurses also very nice and professional. They always check on me and make sure I am okay. Food was good and facilities were clean and comfortable. It help me feel more relaxed and focus on my recovery. Management also doing very good job. Everything was organized and you can see they really care about patients. I am very thankful for this place and all the people who work here. I recommend this center to anyone who needs help.

Denton

Awesome place great people u want to check this place out most definitely 😜

Tyler

A treatment center where the owners truly care about your recovery and after care.. cannot recommend enough

Jodana S

If you want to detox painlessly this is the place! The staff is A1. They truly care about us. The groups are awesome . Residential is crazy awesome! You live in a mansion. With a private chef who makes the best food. Community meeting that gets results fast, they care about your opinions. Pool and Jacuzzi are beautiful. If your struggling with addiction this is the house you should come to. I LOVE HARMONY PLACE!!!!! Thank you to all the staff they go above and beyond to make this experience comfortable therapeutic. Don't spend another day in your addiction come to Harmony Place right now!

Cass

I’ve been to 4 treatment centers before Harmony Place, and I can tell you without a single doubt that this is the absolute best by FAR. The past ones were luxury Residential Treatment centers that just treated every single client the same not tailoring to each individual, and were basically just in it for the money, dropping the ball each time. I can also tell you that I’ve never met the CEOs, but here, David comes to the facility almost every single day, and makes sure he get to know every individual here. He is incredibly kind, and was even willing to transfer me to another facility with a higher level of trauma therapy due to me having a lifetime of trauma and PTSD that just is going to take a long time to tackle. He truly cares about all of the clients having all of the tools that we need before getting released to the real world. No more of other CEO would ever be willing to miss an opportunity at making more money and even paired with my IMPECCABLE case manager to find a different facility that was more trauma based. My case manager, Sam, goes absolutely above and beyond in every single aspect. She makes sure you have a smooth transition into aftercare, provides out of this world advice when it comes to sobriety, and takes the time out of her day to make sure that FMLA and short-term disability are completely taken care of during your stay. I’ve never met a case manager that could ever compare to Sam. Ever. I feel lucky to have met her, genuinely. Marissa, my therapist, is SO SWEET, actually listens to you, and provides advice and therapy tailored to each individual’s experience. She’s handled every mood I’ve been in, never judged me, and allowed me to feel safe enough to tell her things I’ve never told any person or therapist in my 29 years of life. I’ve been going to therapy for the past 15 years, and none of those therapists even come close to how amazing she is. I’ve been to 4 other treatment centers in my life and none even come close to Harmony Place. The facility is clean, organized, and high-end. I would recommend Harmony place to my family, friends, and anyone seeking treatment. I feel SO BLESSED to have landed in their hands. THANK YOU TO EVERYONE IN THE CLINICAL STAFF BEYOND WORDS. I love you guys ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️. I feel more confident than ever in my Recovery.

Gabe H

Where to begin.. Harmony is a place that will forever be a part of my story as the first step in my recovery journey. I’m so grateful for this program. The staff is very friendly, and many of them understand what addiction is like, for they themselves have recovery stories of their own. They have an awesome team of therapists, group facilitators, nurses, RA technicians, medical and health professionals, a wonderful case manager for aftercare that cares deeply for your next steps; making sure you are set up for success. They have a wonderful admissions team (shoutout to Marielle who was so kind and understanding of my messed up situation). Everyone is very relatable and friendly. They invest heavily in the importance of diet and nutrition too - there’s a full time professional chef. I gained all the weight I lost and wanted back in the first two weeks lol. On top of the intensive programming they do throughout the day, they take us out to experience various kinds of outside groups to get a taste of the real world, and also take us on social outings during the weekend. If you’re serious about getting better this place will meet you where you’re at and prepare you to launch with a renewed mind and heart.

Monica P

I can't begin to explain just how amazing Harmony Place is. In fact, when we sit down with the owner, Jeff, and clinical director, David, on Monday mornings to have a house meeting, they ask us what they could be doing better. A bigger blender for smoothies is the ONLY thing we could come up with. Let me begin by addressing some negative reviews. If you notice many of them are from people, or are referring to people who have been asked to leave. It is because of harmony places protection of their clients that provide ideal conditions for healing and progress. There is a screening process that it is implemented where they make sure the clients they admit are ready to start a life of sobriety. Some people slip through the cracks. Some people find out a few days or weeks in that they've changed their minds. Some are inappropriate and break rules. It happens. When Harmony Place ask people to leave, It's because they are protecting the people who are here that want treatment. In effect, they're providing exactly what I needed for a genuine start to recovery. When I began my search for a treatment center, my requirements were that the facility's provide an environment in which its residents all want to be there and that it is ethically ran. I got that and so much more at Harmony Place. As well as a structured routine, they also provide a confidential and nurturing environment where one feels safe and where profound healing can begin. Their program offers a sound foundation where further progress in sober living is almost guaranteed. In group meetings, we enjoy getting to know ourselves again and with deeper understanding about why we are the way we are. We are provided with skills to handle real life. Its here that I've come to understand that its not addiction that has driven me to make a mess of my life. It is the trauma that I endured and not processing it correctly that lead to poor thinking patterns that opened the door to addiction resulting in poor life management. So we start at the bottom. Trauma. They help us understand that trauma has led to our own toxicity, what that trauma looks like and how to get out of our own way. Process groups help us learn how to take accountability and foster healthier relationships. I learned here that changing the way I think is absolutely possible and imperative to the healing process. Harmony Place offered me hope when I previously felt I was unfixable and a support team that truly loves me. Even after I leave here, I have contacts that almost demand I keep in touch and an alumni meeting where I can return to the facility on Thursday nights. I wasn't a 12 stepper when I came here but my first experience with it was not one where I was ready to stop using. I understand now that the steps will work for me. It's certainly is not the only modality that they teach. In one group, we are provided an opportunity to sit with a recently retired medical doctor to just ask questions. Another is with a nutritionist. There are a handful of people IN recovery that come to lead groups that are all accredited highly specialized where I felt understood and not judged. The knowledge I have gained here is life changing. It is also versatile and relatable for all types of people. my favorite group was dialectical behavioral therapy. There are breathing classes and sound bath groups and I started doing yoga in the morning. There's a dharma meeting they take you offsite that focuses on Buddhist values. A fantastic onsight chef provides three meals and you can have special requests. We facilitated our own Movie nights during free time. I cant forget to mention you get your own one on one meetings with your assigned primary therapist and there is comprehensive medical support complete with 24/7 nurses and a doctor that shows up throughout the week. If this is what you need to recover and you have mediCAL, cancel your mediCAL and get insurance Harmony Place accepts if you can. There are people to help you with that as well. Just call. Many, many thanks to the staff. ✔️Another life changed.🙏

Cody B

This is such an amazing place truly changed my life. I would recommend this place to anybody if they’re looking for a strong recovery house that truly cares about your recovery and not about just money So if you’re ready to change your life, don’t miss out on the greatness of harmony because this place is where it’s at