What to do if you suspect your child has an addiction

November 26, 2019

Harmony Place Team

Teen addiction isn’t obvious. You may wonder if your child is involved with drugs because of a thousand little ‘maybe’ moments that snap into a larger picture.

Maybe it was the faint scent of marijuana you smelled on your child’s jacket when they came home one Saturday night. But they were home at the time you asked them to be, so you dismissed it. Maybe it was the time you went to make a drink for a friend and thought that the vodka bottle looked a little emptier than you remember it being the last time you used it. But it’s possible you were misremembering, so you dismissed it. Maybe it was the time you reached into your wallet to pay and noticed the $20 bill that was there the day before was now missing. But maybe it fell out in your purse, so you dismissed it.

Situations that once seemed so innocuous, you may now recognize as early warning signs. Looking back, it’s easy to be angry with yourself about teen addiction.

If you’ve just discovered or have reason to believe your child is using drugs, the first thing to do is to sit down and take a deep breath. We know it’s a scary time, but you’re in the right place. You’re seeking out information. Before you intervene, take time to prepare yourself for the important conversations that need to be had and equip yourself with everything you need to know about drugs and teen addiction. Then take another deep breath.

If you have a spouse or partner that is involved in your child’s life, it’s important to talk to them about your concerns before going to your child together. As many of us know, if you and your partner aren’t on the same page, when one parent notoriously says ‘the answer is no,’ your child will go to the parent who will say ‘yes.’ So, it’s best if you and your spouse can come to a common position on drug and alcohol abuse before talking to your child teen addiction.

You can anticipate that your child’s first reaction when you raise the subject of drugs or alcohol to be one of two:

Reaction 1: Anger

Expect your child to deny the most convincing evidence you have. Expect to be called out for snooping in their drawers. Expect them to accuse you of distrust. Expect to be called a hypocrite. Expect your child to say things that will shock you. You can’t predict exactly what your child will do/say, but you can prepare how you’ll handle their anger:

No matter what your child says, REMAIN CALM. We cannot emphasize that enough.
Don’t let your child bait you into responding with your own anger.
Don’t forget to tell your child that you love them, and this conversation is only taking place because of that fact.

Reaction 2: Silence

When your child reacts with anger, it’s not easy. But at least they’re talking. If they react by, well, not reacting, what do you do? You do your darndest to make it a two-way conversation.

Ask what they think.
Ask if it’s a subject their friends talk about.
Ask what they think of celebrities who use drugs.

Just keep asking questions, even if they remain silent. The hope is that ONE of the questions will strike a chord and open up a dialogue. When they do answer, LISTEN TO THEIR ANSWERS. This conversation should be about listening to your child rather than just talking to them about teen addiction.

Active Listening

Whatever happens during this conversation, try to remain calm. If you do lose your temper, try to catch yourself. It’s OKAY to admit that these conversations aren’t easy for you, either! Once your child does start talking (no matter the tone, volume, or context), try to listen actively. DrugFree.org is full of great resources, and we’ve highlighted some of their points on active listening below. Active listening means to listen without interrupting…no matter what. Once they’re done talking, sum up/repeat back to them what you heard, and ask them to confirm. You may start with something like:

It seems like you’re feeling…
I’m hearing you say that you’re feeling…
Am I right that you’re feeling…

Then, describe the emotions you heard:

I hear you saying that you’re feeling angry and hurt. Am I right about that?
It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed. Is that true?

If you can’t pinpoint the emotions you’re hearing, maybe something along these lines would work better:

It seems like you’re at the end of your rope. Is that right?
Are you feeling like this/that situation is out of control?

Don’t worry about whether you are right or wrong. Your child’s responses will guide you. This is where the real connection begins.

If you suspect your child has an addiction problem, whether it’s a budding issue or fully fledged teen addiction, talking about it openly and honestly is the first step towards recovery. Please feel free to reach out to us directly for any additional questions you may have. We know what you’re going through, and we’re here for you. At Harmony Place in Woodland Hills, California, we provide a relaxing, comfortable environment for addiction treatment and recovery with many addiction treatment program options, including our Medication Assisted Treatment program. Contact us today at 1-(855)-652-9048 to learn more about our services and how you or your loved one can prepare for a successful rehabilitation from drug and alcohol addiction at our California treatment center.

Additional Resources

For more information on teen and child addiction, signs of drugs in the home, and tips for talking with your kids, check out these resources:

Warning Signs of Drug Use in Teens and Young Adults

Signs Parents Should Look For

How to Spot Drug Use in Children

Addiction: When You Just Can’t Stop

Warning Signs of Teen Drug Abuse

Four Traits That Put Kids at Risk for Addiction

Early Signs of Risk That May Predict Later Drug Use

Early Detection of Illicit Drug Use in Teenagers

Substance Use Disorder Basics

Effects of Alcohol and Drug Abuse

Addiction and Addictive Behaviors

10 Conversation Starters to Spark Classroom Conversations About Drugs

Talking to a Young Person About Illegal Drugs

Medication Abuse and Diversion

Talking to Teens About Drugs and Substance Use

Tips for Talking with Your Teen

How to Talk with Your Kids When You Think They’re Using Drugs

Chris P

I've been to 12 rehabs over the last 20 years and NO other place has touch like Harmony Place! From the owner right down to the cleaning lady, everyone here is kinda and warm. God has blessed this place and I feel privileged to have come through here. I recommend anyone who is going through their struggle with mental health or substance abuse to pick up the phone and come! You won't regret it!

Joseph S

This place is incredible, kind, loving, patient, rigorous, educative, caring and the best place for recovery. Ill be part of the alumni crew

Monica G

I had very good experience at Harmony Place From first day I came, staff was very kind and make me feel welcome and safe. Everyone was friendly and always try to help me. The therapists are very good and caring. They listen to me and help me understand my problems better. I learn many things from them and feel stronger because of their support. The nurses also very nice and professional. They always check on me and make sure I am okay. Food was good and facilities were clean and comfortable. It help me feel more relaxed and focus on my recovery. Management also doing very good job. Everything was organized and you can see they really care about patients. I am very thankful for this place and all the people who work here. I recommend this center to anyone who needs help.

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Tyler

A treatment center where the owners truly care about your recovery and after care.. cannot recommend enough

Jodana S

If you want to detox painlessly this is the place! The staff is A1. They truly care about us. The groups are awesome . Residential is crazy awesome! You live in a mansion. With a private chef who makes the best food. Community meeting that gets results fast, they care about your opinions. Pool and Jacuzzi are beautiful. If your struggling with addiction this is the house you should come to. I LOVE HARMONY PLACE!!!!! Thank you to all the staff they go above and beyond to make this experience comfortable therapeutic. Don't spend another day in your addiction come to Harmony Place right now!

Cass

I’ve been to 4 treatment centers before Harmony Place, and I can tell you without a single doubt that this is the absolute best by FAR. The past ones were luxury Residential Treatment centers that just treated every single client the same not tailoring to each individual, and were basically just in it for the money, dropping the ball each time. I can also tell you that I’ve never met the CEOs, but here, David comes to the facility almost every single day, and makes sure he get to know every individual here. He is incredibly kind, and was even willing to transfer me to another facility with a higher level of trauma therapy due to me having a lifetime of trauma and PTSD that just is going to take a long time to tackle. He truly cares about all of the clients having all of the tools that we need before getting released to the real world. No more of other CEO would ever be willing to miss an opportunity at making more money and even paired with my IMPECCABLE case manager to find a different facility that was more trauma based. My case manager, Sam, goes absolutely above and beyond in every single aspect. She makes sure you have a smooth transition into aftercare, provides out of this world advice when it comes to sobriety, and takes the time out of her day to make sure that FMLA and short-term disability are completely taken care of during your stay. I’ve never met a case manager that could ever compare to Sam. Ever. I feel lucky to have met her, genuinely. Marissa, my therapist, is SO SWEET, actually listens to you, and provides advice and therapy tailored to each individual’s experience. She’s handled every mood I’ve been in, never judged me, and allowed me to feel safe enough to tell her things I’ve never told any person or therapist in my 29 years of life. I’ve been going to therapy for the past 15 years, and none of those therapists even come close to how amazing she is. I’ve been to 4 other treatment centers in my life and none even come close to Harmony Place. The facility is clean, organized, and high-end. I would recommend Harmony place to my family, friends, and anyone seeking treatment. I feel SO BLESSED to have landed in their hands. THANK YOU TO EVERYONE IN THE CLINICAL STAFF BEYOND WORDS. I love you guys ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️. I feel more confident than ever in my Recovery.

Gabe H

Where to begin.. Harmony is a place that will forever be a part of my story as the first step in my recovery journey. I’m so grateful for this program. The staff is very friendly, and many of them understand what addiction is like, for they themselves have recovery stories of their own. They have an awesome team of therapists, group facilitators, nurses, RA technicians, medical and health professionals, a wonderful case manager for aftercare that cares deeply for your next steps; making sure you are set up for success. They have a wonderful admissions team (shoutout to Marielle who was so kind and understanding of my messed up situation). Everyone is very relatable and friendly. They invest heavily in the importance of diet and nutrition too - there’s a full time professional chef. I gained all the weight I lost and wanted back in the first two weeks lol. On top of the intensive programming they do throughout the day, they take us out to experience various kinds of outside groups to get a taste of the real world, and also take us on social outings during the weekend. If you’re serious about getting better this place will meet you where you’re at and prepare you to launch with a renewed mind and heart.

Monica P

I can't begin to explain just how amazing Harmony Place is. In fact, when we sit down with the owner, Jeff, and clinical director, David, on Monday mornings to have a house meeting, they ask us what they could be doing better. A bigger blender for smoothies is the ONLY thing we could come up with. Let me begin by addressing some negative reviews. If you notice many of them are from people, or are referring to people who have been asked to leave. It is because of harmony places protection of their clients that provide ideal conditions for healing and progress. There is a screening process that it is implemented where they make sure the clients they admit are ready to start a life of sobriety. Some people slip through the cracks. Some people find out a few days or weeks in that they've changed their minds. Some are inappropriate and break rules. It happens. When Harmony Place ask people to leave, It's because they are protecting the people who are here that want treatment. In effect, they're providing exactly what I needed for a genuine start to recovery. When I began my search for a treatment center, my requirements were that the facility's provide an environment in which its residents all want to be there and that it is ethically ran. I got that and so much more at Harmony Place. As well as a structured routine, they also provide a confidential and nurturing environment where one feels safe and where profound healing can begin. Their program offers a sound foundation where further progress in sober living is almost guaranteed. In group meetings, we enjoy getting to know ourselves again and with deeper understanding about why we are the way we are. We are provided with skills to handle real life. Its here that I've come to understand that its not addiction that has driven me to make a mess of my life. It is the trauma that I endured and not processing it correctly that lead to poor thinking patterns that opened the door to addiction resulting in poor life management. So we start at the bottom. Trauma. They help us understand that trauma has led to our own toxicity, what that trauma looks like and how to get out of our own way. Process groups help us learn how to take accountability and foster healthier relationships. I learned here that changing the way I think is absolutely possible and imperative to the healing process. Harmony Place offered me hope when I previously felt I was unfixable and a support team that truly loves me. Even after I leave here, I have contacts that almost demand I keep in touch and an alumni meeting where I can return to the facility on Thursday nights. I wasn't a 12 stepper when I came here but my first experience with it was not one where I was ready to stop using. I understand now that the steps will work for me. It's certainly is not the only modality that they teach. In one group, we are provided an opportunity to sit with a recently retired medical doctor to just ask questions. Another is with a nutritionist. There are a handful of people IN recovery that come to lead groups that are all accredited highly specialized where I felt understood and not judged. The knowledge I have gained here is life changing. It is also versatile and relatable for all types of people. my favorite group was dialectical behavioral therapy. There are breathing classes and sound bath groups and I started doing yoga in the morning. There's a dharma meeting they take you offsite that focuses on Buddhist values. A fantastic onsight chef provides three meals and you can have special requests. We facilitated our own Movie nights during free time. I cant forget to mention you get your own one on one meetings with your assigned primary therapist and there is comprehensive medical support complete with 24/7 nurses and a doctor that shows up throughout the week. If this is what you need to recover and you have mediCAL, cancel your mediCAL and get insurance Harmony Place accepts if you can. There are people to help you with that as well. Just call. Many, many thanks to the staff. ✔️Another life changed.🙏

Cody B

This is such an amazing place truly changed my life. I would recommend this place to anybody if they’re looking for a strong recovery house that truly cares about your recovery and not about just money So if you’re ready to change your life, don’t miss out on the greatness of harmony because this place is where it’s at