How to Talk to Someone About Addiction & What to Avoid
What is Addiction
Addiction is a chronic and often relapsing disorder characterized by a compulsive need to seek out and use a substance or engage in a behavior despite harmful consequences. It affects the brain’s reward system, leading to intense cravings and a loss of control over actions. Addiction can involve substances like alcohol, drugs, or nicotine, as well as behaviors such as gambling, internet use, or gaming. Over time, addiction can interfere with relationships, work, physical and mental health, and overall quality of life. Effective treatment often requires a combination of therapy, medical support, and lifestyle changes. When approaching someone to talk about addiction it is important to do proper research and educate yourself on addiction itself.
Signs of Addiction
The following are some common signs of addiction:
Increased tolerance: Needing more of the substance or behavior to get the same effect
- Withdrawal symptoms: Experiencing physical or emotional discomfort when not using
- Loss of control: Inability to stop or reduce use despite trying
- Neglecting responsibilities: Ignoring work, school, or family duties
- Continued use despite harm: Using even when it causes health, legal, or relationship issues
- Preoccupation: Spending a lot of time thinking about or engaging in the addictive behavior
- Social isolation: Pulling away from friends, family, or favorite activities
- Risky behavior: Taking dangerous actions to obtain or use the substance (e.g., driving under the influence)
- Mood or personality changes: Increased irritability, depression, anxiety, or mood swings
- Denial: Refusing to admit there’s a problem, even when others notice clear signs
Common Definitions to Know
The following terms may be important to know when talking to someone about addiction:
- Addiction: A chronic brain disorder involving compulsive substance use despite harmful consequences
- Craving: A strong desire or urge to use a substance or engage in a behavior
- Tolerance: The need for increased amounts of a substance to achieve the same effect
- Withdrawal: Physical or psychological symptoms that occur when stopping or reducing use of a substance
- Detoxification: The process of clearing substances from the body, often the first step in treatment
- Relapse: Returning to substance use after a period of abstinence
- Triggers: People, places, emotions, or situations that prompt cravings or relapse
- Intervention: A structured conversation or meeting to encourage someone to seek help for addiction
- Co-occurring disorder: A mental health condition that occurs alongside addiction, such as depression or anxiety
- Harm reduction: Strategies aimed at minimizing negative consequences of substance use without requiring abstinence
- 12-step program: A structured support group approach based on spiritual principles (e.g., Alcoholics Anonymous)
- Recovery: A personal process of change through which an individual achieves improved health and well-being
- MAT (Medication-Assisted Treatment): The use of medications, along with counseling, to treat substance use disorders
- Rehabilitation (Rehab): A treatment program designed to help individuals recover from addiction
- Abstinence: The act of completely avoiding the use of a substance
When Should You Talk to Someone About Their Addiction
You should talk to someone about their addiction when you notice consistent changes in their behavior, health, or daily responsibilities that suggest substance use is negatively affecting their life. This includes signs like neglecting work or family duties, sudden mood swings, physical deterioration, legal issues, or isolating themselves from loved ones. It’s also important to speak up if their actions are putting themselves or others in danger.
Approach the conversation with care and concern rather than judgment. Choose a calm time to talk when the person is sober, and express how their behavior is affecting you and those around them. Early intervention can make a significant difference in motivating someone to seek help and start recovery.
Tips for Talking to Someone About Addiction & Treatment
The following are tips for talking to someone about addiction and treatment at various points of the conversation.
Before the Conversation
- Educate Yourself: Learn the basics of addiction, treatment options, and recovery. This helps you speak accurately and empathetically.
- Choose the Right Time & Place: Find a calm, private, and quiet setting where you can both talk without distractions.
- Prepare Mentally: Be ready for denial, defensiveness, or emotional responses. Stay calm and grounded.
During the Conversation
- Lead with Compassion: Use “I” statements rather than “you” accusations. Example: “I’m worried about you” instead of “You need to stop.”
- Avoid Judgment: Focus on care and concern, not blame or shame. Addiction is a health issue, not a moral failure.
- Be Direct but Gentle: Clearly state what you’ve noticed and why you’re concerned, without exaggeration.
- Listen Actively: Give them space to speak. Let them feel heard and respected, even if they disagree.
- Offer Specific Help: Mention treatment options or resources you’ve found. Ask if they’d be open to exploring them together.
What to Avoid
- Don’t Argue or Lecture: This often leads to resistance rather than progress.
- Don’t Enable: Avoid minimizing the problem or making excuses for their behavior.
- Don’t Force It: If they’re not ready to talk, keep the door open for the future. Don’t push them away with pressure.
After the Conversation
- Stay Supportive: Let them know you’re there for them—whether they seek help now or later.
- Set Boundaries if Needed: Protect your own well-being, especially if their behavior is affecting your life.
- Follow Up: Gently check in later. Recovery is a process, and so is the decision to seek help.
Pitfalls to Avoid When Talking to Someone About Addiction & Treatment
When talking to someone about addiction and treatment, it’s important to avoid common pitfalls that can damage trust or push the person away. One major mistake is being judgmental. Criticizing, blaming, or moralizing often causes the person to feel attacked, which can shut down the conversation completely. Using harsh or stigmatizing language like “junkie” or “drunk” can also be harmful. Instead, use respectful, person-first language such as “someone struggling with addiction.”
Avoid having the conversation when the person is under the influence, as it’s unlikely to be productive. Trying to reason with them in that state can lead to conflict or confusion. It’s also unhelpful to make the conversation all about how their behavior affects you. While your feelings matter, focus the discussion on concern for their health and safety rather than framing it around your frustration.
Don’t expect immediate change after one conversation. Addiction is a complex issue, and it may take time for the person to even consider treatment. Overloading them with information can be overwhelming, so it’s better to share just a few supportive options and let them process at their own pace. Pushing ultimatums too early, like threatening to cut ties if they don’t get help, can backfire if not handled with clear boundaries and follow-through.
Assuming the person is ready to hear your concerns just because you’re ready to speak can also be a mistake. It’s important to gauge their openness and emotional state before diving into a serious discussion. Equally important is not neglecting to listen. If you talk at them instead of with them, the conversation becomes one-sided and unproductive. Lastly, don’t give up after one attempt. If the first conversation doesn’t go well, keep the lines of communication open and continue offering your support in a calm and caring way.
Common Responses & How to Approach Them
Here are some common responses you might hear when talking to someone about addiction and rehab treatment, along with ways to approach each one thoughtfully and effectively.
Denial
They say: “I don’t have a problem. I can quit anytime I want.”
You respond: “I hear that you feel in control right now. I’m just worried because I’ve noticed some changes in you lately, like [specific behavior]. I care about you and want to make sure you’re okay.”
Defensiveness or Anger
They say: “Why are you always on my case? You don’t understand what I’m going through!”
You respond: “I’m sorry if I upset you. That’s not my intention. I just care about you and want to support you, even if it’s hard to talk about right now.”
Minimizing or Rationalizing
They say: “It’s not that bad. I only drink on weekends. It’s not hurting anyone.”
You respond: “I get that it might seem like it’s under control, but I’m concerned because I’ve noticed [specific consequences]. When you’re ready, I’m here to help you explore options.”
Fear or Anxiety about Treatment
They say: “I’m scared rehab will ruin my life. What if people find out?”
You respond: “It’s completely normal to feel scared. Many treatment centers respect your privacy and have ways to keep things confidential. We can look into options that feel safe for you.”
Hopelessness or Feeling Change Isn’t Possible
They say: “I’ve tried before and it never works. I don’t think I can do this.”
You respond: “Recovery is tough, and setbacks happen. But many people do find a way to get better with the right support. I believe in you, and I’ll be here every step of the way.”
Request for Space or Time
They say: “Can you just give me some time? I’m not ready to talk about this now.”
You respond: “Of course. I respect that you need time. When you’re ready, I’m here to listen and help however I can.”
Acceptance and Willingness to Seek Help
They say: “Maybe I do need some help. I don’t want to live like this anymore.”
You respond: “That’s a brave and important step. Let’s look at some treatment options together and find what feels right for you. You’re not alone in this.”
Get Help
Get help for you or a loved one today by reaching out!
We at Harmony Place understand the financial considerations that come with seeking treatment. To make the process less burdensome, we accept health insurance from a wide range of providers, including Anthem insurance, Aetna, Cigna, Blue Shield of CA, Carelon, and Humana. Our commitment is to ensure that you or your loved one can focus entirely on the recovery journey, without the added stress of financial concerns.
Don’t hesitate to reach out to us to inquire about your insurance benefits. Our dedicated team is here to guide you through your policy specifics and how they can contribute towards your treatment plan. Remember, seeking help is the first significant step towards recovery, and we’re here to support you every step of the way. Together, let’s embark on this journey towards a healthier future.