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Why Do I Sabotage My Relationships?

Addiction is a self-destructive, self-sabotaging mental disorder. Every time we think we are able to stop using, we are tempted to use again. We constantly sabotage our efforts to be part of what is good in life. Most often, the underlying effort to sabotage and self-destruct is rooted in a low sense of self-esteem. We don’t feel that we deserve to be happy or healthy. Sometimes we’re in a good relationship that we actively seek to destroy. Other times we are in a relationship that doesn’t satisfy us, but we are afraid of rejection, abandonment, or being alone. Instead of making the healthy move to end the relationship, we sabotage and self-destruct instead.

Everyone who struggles with self-sabotage has a specific event or series of events in their past which formed their understanding of relationships and behaviors in relationships. Trauma, divorce, separation, and other experiences create belief frameworks in the brain of what love looks like and more importantly, what love can do to you. Sabotage in a relationship is sometimes nothing more than feeling as though you need to abandon and reject someone before they abandon and reject you. Survival and sabotage go hand in hand in a very dysfunctional relationship. Unfortunately, sabotaging behaviors get old, but because they feel like a means for survival, it can be a hard habit to break.

You deserve the best in life in relationships, love, and the way you feel about yourself. Here are some tips for ending the cycle of sabotage in your relationships.

Work with a therapist

During treatment programs like the ones offered at Harmony Place, you will have an opportunity to engage in relationship counseling as well as regular individual therapy. Our programs offer a high ratio of individual therapy, three times a week, which gives clients ample time to work on specific issues that they want to confront on their journey of self-determination. An individual therapist will be able to help guide you through experiences of relationships in your past and identify some of the contributing beliefs which encourage your sabotaging behaviors.

Incorporate mindfulness

The more you learn about the truths behind your sabotaging behaviors, the more you learn about yourself. Simply put, when you don’t know, you just don’t know. Once you start to find out, however, you start to notice. Noticing is a behavior and a practice developed through mindfulness. As you uncover more about your connection to sabotaging behaviors, you can notice the various triggers, memories, behaviors, and thought processes attached to your sabotage. The more aware you become, the more able to make change you will become.

Recovery begins with change. If you’re ready to make a change in your life, Harmony Place is here to guide you. It takes work to make great personal changes, but that work does not have to be done alone. From detox to transitional living, clients at Harmony Place are supported and guided to achieve their goals. Call us today for a private consultation and more information: 1-855-652-9048